Monday, June 30, 2008

Boundaries...Don't Leave Home Without Them

Yesterday when we were out having lunch, a lady stopped me and made this comment..."Are you having a girl? Maybe it'll be a girl this time." I was caught off guard by this so I just shook my head and said, "I don't know" and walked off. A few minutes later she came to our table and said something like, "I am sorry if I said something to offend you. You'll be happy no matter what it is." Are you kidding me?!? I just politely nodded and smiled as my husband and kids were wondering what-in-the-heck was going on. Then the flood gates opened.

You know what? I will be the first to admit that when I gain weight, it is not evenly distributed throughout my body. No. I get a "pooh tummy". I don't wear tight fitting clothes/shirts to accentuate it. I wear the A line style shirts that everyone seems to be wearing. I am okay with myself. Do I wish I had a flatter stomach? Like most women, yes. But I don't and I am seriously okay with it for now.

So why am I so upset by this? I'll tell you why. 2 reasons...

1. Why can't people just mind their own business? Why do they need to make assumptions and then tell you or ask you about those assumptions? Do I even know you? What makes you think I want to talk to you? Did I invite you to converse with me? Who are you anyways?

2. When people do make comments and ask those questions...this is not the first time this has happened...why can't *I* tell them like it is? Why can't *I* just simply say, "Oh, I'm not pregnant." Maybe not even rudely and mean like, but just let them know. I'll tell you why. Because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't want to make them feel bad. I don't want them to have to live with the consequences of their "boundary crossing" comments. Ugh!

I am a nice person. I like people and I can small talk with anyone 'til the cows come home. But, don't make assumptions and don't cross "the line".

Guess I am going to have to learn to draw those boundaries more clearly and let people know when they need to step back.

***By the way...if you are inclined to leave comments about this post, that is fine. Just don't defend those people in any way to me. Be gentle. I am pretty fragile right now.***

6 comments:

Michelle Waters said...

You have some great photos on this blog! Thanks for stopping by Living Waters...

You're right on about this post. I can't believe that! My children are young and I've already given the "never ask someone if they're pregnant" speech about a million times! Once you've had a baby or two things just don't go back the way we'd like them too...and it's nobody's business!

jennybell said...

Me too! I went to a new hairdresser and she asked me when I was due. I said, "I'm not, I'm just fat." She quickly changed the subject. If she hadn't given me the best haircut I had had in a long while, I wouldn't go back to her.

I love the a-line style, but even for flat-stomached people, it can look like a maternity shirt.

Tina said...

{{Brittney}} :)

Sharon said...

Oh Brittney... *hugs*

Now... Who let that idiot out of the village?!

Zelda said...

((Brittney))

Some days it doesn't pay to leave the house.

she who must be obeyed said...

don't you just hate that! I was at a famil reunion this weekend, and had a girl mention how great it was we were expecting our 5th baby (as I am holding my 8 month old) - I just said, oh, no, that is just baby weight from the last one - but how awful it feels, especially when one of the cousins at the reunion had her 3 week old with her and her little short shorts on, looking like she was ready to run a marathon! :) Problem is, today's styles are very maternity looking, which is nice because they sometimes hide the belly, but not so nice when some idiot opens their mouth when they shouldn't ! :)