Monday, June 30, 2008

Boundaries...Don't Leave Home Without Them

Yesterday when we were out having lunch, a lady stopped me and made this comment..."Are you having a girl? Maybe it'll be a girl this time." I was caught off guard by this so I just shook my head and said, "I don't know" and walked off. A few minutes later she came to our table and said something like, "I am sorry if I said something to offend you. You'll be happy no matter what it is." Are you kidding me?!? I just politely nodded and smiled as my husband and kids were wondering what-in-the-heck was going on. Then the flood gates opened.

You know what? I will be the first to admit that when I gain weight, it is not evenly distributed throughout my body. No. I get a "pooh tummy". I don't wear tight fitting clothes/shirts to accentuate it. I wear the A line style shirts that everyone seems to be wearing. I am okay with myself. Do I wish I had a flatter stomach? Like most women, yes. But I don't and I am seriously okay with it for now.

So why am I so upset by this? I'll tell you why. 2 reasons...

1. Why can't people just mind their own business? Why do they need to make assumptions and then tell you or ask you about those assumptions? Do I even know you? What makes you think I want to talk to you? Did I invite you to converse with me? Who are you anyways?

2. When people do make comments and ask those questions...this is not the first time this has happened...why can't *I* tell them like it is? Why can't *I* just simply say, "Oh, I'm not pregnant." Maybe not even rudely and mean like, but just let them know. I'll tell you why. Because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't want to make them feel bad. I don't want them to have to live with the consequences of their "boundary crossing" comments. Ugh!

I am a nice person. I like people and I can small talk with anyone 'til the cows come home. But, don't make assumptions and don't cross "the line".

Guess I am going to have to learn to draw those boundaries more clearly and let people know when they need to step back.

***By the way...if you are inclined to leave comments about this post, that is fine. Just don't defend those people in any way to me. Be gentle. I am pretty fragile right now.***


Michelle Waters said...

You have some great photos on this blog! Thanks for stopping by Living Waters...

You're right on about this post. I can't believe that! My children are young and I've already given the "never ask someone if they're pregnant" speech about a million times! Once you've had a baby or two things just don't go back the way we'd like them too...and it's nobody's business!

jennybell said...

Me too! I went to a new hairdresser and she asked me when I was due. I said, "I'm not, I'm just fat." She quickly changed the subject. If she hadn't given me the best haircut I had had in a long while, I wouldn't go back to her.

I love the a-line style, but even for flat-stomached people, it can look like a maternity shirt.

Tina said...

{{Brittney}} :)

Sharon said...

Oh Brittney... *hugs*

Now... Who let that idiot out of the village?!

Zelda said...


Some days it doesn't pay to leave the house.

she who must be obeyed said...

don't you just hate that! I was at a famil reunion this weekend, and had a girl mention how great it was we were expecting our 5th baby (as I am holding my 8 month old) - I just said, oh, no, that is just baby weight from the last one - but how awful it feels, especially when one of the cousins at the reunion had her 3 week old with her and her little short shorts on, looking like she was ready to run a marathon! :) Problem is, today's styles are very maternity looking, which is nice because they sometimes hide the belly, but not so nice when some idiot opens their mouth when they shouldn't ! :)